Listen

Certainly one of the more common complaints that I hear from people about relationships relates to the issue of listening:

“He never listens to me!”

“She doesn’t understand what I’m saying.”

“He doesn’t value my opinion.”

“She doesn’t listen to me.”

What is listening, anyway?  A dictionary defines “listen” as “to pay attention to, to hear something with thoughtful attention, to be alert to catch an unexpected sound.”  I checked the thesaurus on my work processing program and, in addition to the word “hear,” there were these synonyms for listen: attend, bear in mind, consider, heed, mark, note, respect.

It’s true that listening is a whole lot more than hearing words and sounds.  It’s a whole lot more than simply waiting our turn to talk.  A lot of folks talk at each other rather than talk with each other.  And listening is very important. It ties in with the need that all of us have to feel appreciated, to receive attention.  When we listen to someone, it shows that person that we care about them.  

I am struck by the synonym “respect” given by the thesaurus for the word “listen.”  To listen to someone means that we take them seriously.  It shows them that they’re important, that we want to understand them.  In a very real sense, to listen is a way to show love.  Author Paul Tournier writes that it is impossible to overemphasize the immense need of human beings to be listened to. 

So . . . if we want to improve our relationships with our spouses, our significant others, our children, our co-workers, our friends, we’ve got to learn to listen to them. 

Author Cecil Osborn puts it this way:

Could you listen?  When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you haven’t done what I’ve asked.  When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you’re just trampling on my feelings.  When I ask you to listen to me and you feel like you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that sounds.  All I ask that you do is listen.  Not talk, not do.  Just hear me out.  When you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding it all.  So, please listen and just hear me.  And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn and I’ll listen to you.

See you in church!

Grace and Peace,